My reputation is ruined. For a couple months, I’ve been getting the evil eye from Gus, my granddaughters’ cranky amazon parrot. His cage door stays open and he loves to climb up the outside of the cage to the open tray area on top, which has a wooden perch mounted above. He perches there and squawks loudly, making himself heard over my four noisy granddaughters. About a month ago, I was sitting at their dining room table reading and unaware that Gus was marching across the floor to attack me. One of my granddaughters yelling for me to run, just as Gus latched onto my ankle, gave me my first feel for how strong a parrot’s beak is. He didn’t want to let go of my ankle and when he finally did, he had taken a small chunk out of my ankle.
In the intervening weeks, I am always wary around Gus and as many days I watch my granddaughters after school, it’s become obvious that something about me angers Gus a great deal. Gus also attacks my daughter, so one of my granddaughters said maybe Gus knows I’m their mom’s mom, such is the reasoning of a 9 year-old, but she might be right.
Fast forward to Wednesday, after school, I was sitting on their sofa and not paying attention to Gus, when one of my granddaughters yelled and told me to run. Gus had waddled all the way across the room and was within a yard of me. One of the 9 year old twin granddaughters came to the rescue with a broom from the kitchen and we got Gus onto the broom handle and put him in his cage.
Yesterday, I sat on their loveseat and was reading on my cell phone, when the 10 year-old granddaughter again yelled, “Run Grandma!” I stood up and tried to fend off a parrot attack with my cell phone and one of the granddaughters came with the broom, but Gus had moved from being a fearless fighter to a deranged loco bird intent on annihilating me. Yes, I was being chased around the room by a parrot waddling across the floor (in my defense, he moves pretty darned fast). The 10 year-old ordered me to go outside on the porch until she got Gus back in his cage.
The shame of being run out of the house by a parrot still stings. When the girls told me it was safe to come back inside, the 10 year old gave me a stern talking to. She lectured, “Grandma, you aren’t good in a crisis and you move too slow.” Then she said, “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Grandma, but it’s the truth,”
Defeated by a demented parrot……… how do I ever recover my reputation… Ahem, my sons left a BB gun in the bedroom closet when they moved out… Nahh, just joking, I won’t shoot Gus, but that psycho, will be locked inside his cage when I’m at their house:-)
libertybelle diaries 
Liberty!
I read this out loud to my brother and we were laughing so much toward the end that he had to read the last few lines to himself to understand them over my laughing!
On reflection, I think that it is the parrot who wants the bitter taste of de-feet—or at least of de-ankles.
(Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.)
Perhaps the strangely psychotic bird tolerates the silly youngsters and dislikes the responsible adults. Anyway, he is clearly plotting, and grimly determined to take you down—you DO need to do the “lock-up” when you are there. (Which will, probably, make the psycho even more determined to hate you. Be very, very careful, because their beaks can do tremendous damage to a finger. I knew a parrot—named Pete—that bit a broom handle in two, and might have taken off a finger if he could have gotten near enough. He, too, often had to be beaten off by a broom, until he taught the cat—named Hobo, to be accurate in my reporting—until he taught the cat to engage in an obviously carefully-plotted counterattack on the broom-handler. He, too, ended up in the lockup, and he would complain about it for a long time. The cat, being otherwise adorable, got away with it. Hobo knew when to purr really loudly.)
It’s obvious that some birdbrains are extremely clever. Or should I say, cunning?
A very funny piece, Liberty! I’m still smiling!
Minta, This psycho bird already took a small chunk out of my ankle a month or so ago and I still have the scab on that. Being diabetic, sores heal very slowly, so I am going to avoid this crazy bird. I think he might be going through some sort of emotional problem. My granddaughters told me this evening that their aunt had walked into the older two granddaughters’ bedroom yesterday and Gus went walking down the hallway to go after her too. Btw, the little yappy dogs they have stay far away from Gus too, but the amazing thing is my granddaughters can pet him and he adores them.
Along with a ruined reputation, I should get the Grandma Fail Award too, that “10-year-old granddaughter mentioned, is 11 – she had a birthday over a week ago:-(